We are all hard-wired for connection and relationships are our primary mode for feeling connected in our worlds. Yet, many people have had the experience of being hurt by those close to them. This can throw their attachment system into a dilemma: They may desire connection with someone but also fear that very same experience. As a result, they may engage in protective, inauthentic behaviours in order to avoid feeling hurt or vulnerable. Since vulnerability is a major factor in promoting connection, it can be hard on relationships when someone constantly feels the need to protect themselves. Over time, people can develop a sense of loneliness and distance within themselves, including rationalizations for why things don't work out (e.g., "We're too busy").

 

People who come together in a relationship are actually coming together in the context of each others' developmental relationship histories, including each others' respective experiences with hope, fear, trust, security, and ways of relating in a relationship. Therapy can be a useful tool for understanding how one's past relationship issues are being activated in present relationships, including how one partner may be able to support the other. Some people come to therapy because of current or ongoing relationship issues in their family, work, social, or intimate lives that they are looking to improve. Some people seek counselling because of a sense of loneliness or dissatisfaction with their relationship(s), while others have specific concerns such as communication, parenting, substance use, infidelity, or sexuality. 

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